Picture this: a young couple sits at the illustrious Lil’ Frankie’s Pizza in Manhattan, a magnificent pepperoni pizza filling their shoe box sized table, two immense glasses of red wine adorning their feast. And as the young lady attempts to initiate conversation with her presumed boyfriend, she is met with… the dark backside of his Iphone; entranced by America’s oldest pastime, tiny baseball players on the screen occupy his gaze rather than his date.
As a community that adheres to objective morality and truth, conservatives must recognize the objective rights and wrongs to handling oneself in social situations, ranging from dating to the workplace. Living in the “Cave” of our own experience, one may not immediately notice that they lack a knowledge of manners; however, getting outside of the home and into society, one can quickly learn the blindspots in one’s own or others’ education in etiquette.
In bygone generations, decorum and proper table manners were a cultural mainstay, but in this era they are becoming less and less common.
One way that proper etiquette has been transferred through generations is by the parents or extended family, but as these familial structures have diminished, we see an increasing need for formal training outside of the home.
When I was a boy, my parents supplemented their in-home training with a class called “Cotillion” in which students received formal education in etiquette and ballroom dancing. For middle school boys, the idea of learning manners was not an attractive one. Add in having to partner with a middle school girl and endeavor to ballroom dance and most of the boys were running for the woods. Those of us who remained were enlightened in the ways of etiquette.
Perhaps more important than the dancing was the concentration on etiquette. Miss Martine often asked rhetorical questions such as: How is my sitting position? Are my legs crossed? Is my tie straightened? Am I thinking about my partner? These questions, repeated throughout the years, began to take over subconsciously. By the penultimate year of the program, 7th grade, we few—we happy few—continued to ‘Supper Club’ wherein participants progressed from mere appetizers to multi-course meals. These meals would provide a foundation for knowing how to conduct myself at future collegiate functions with professors, lunch engagements with high profile clients, and, not least of all, dates involving food.
The duress I experienced then taught me something which I must impress on younger folks of today: etiquette may be an 18th century French word, but it is no less important in our current age. Etiquette is defined as “the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.”
Much like strong convictions, etiquette in the professional—or even personal—landscape is prominent, especially when a person does not have the skills. Even the untrained plebeian can spot the difference between someone wielding table utensils like a barbarian and scarfing down their food as such, as compared to someone who can delicately carve their dish and seamlessly engage in discourse.
Thankfully, as with Mortimer Adler’s canon of the Great Books, there is a formal guidebook which can be a helpful tool to navigate and implement such important knowledge.
While perusing a Kansas City used-book store, I found a humble blue book titled Etiquette, written and edited by Emily Post. For context, Mrs. Post was, and still is, hailed as the “First Lady of Etiquette.”
Her own daughter-in-law, Elizabeth Post, admired her and shared this anecdote of their first introduction of the book:
“And I remained nervous for at least five minutes! In that space of time, I found that the supposedly unapproachable authority on all our manners and behavior was the sweetest, most natural, warmhearted, unaffected person I had ever met. From that day on, we were as close as two people separated by a span of some years can be, and I was never once made uncomfortable or self-conscious in her presence.”
Mrs. Post’s guidebook equips everyone with the proper understanding of etiquette. Lessons range from introductions and farewells, to hosting formal and informal gatherings, to everyday good manners and lessons on how to dress your best.
The book is organized into fifteen sections: Introductions, Greetings, and Farewells; Correspondence; As Others See You; Advice for Travelers; Formal Entertaining; Informal Entertaining; Special Occasions; Weddings; On the Subject of Invitations; Cards and Calls; Good Manners for Every Day; On How to Dress; The Well-Appointed House; and Family Life.
While most of this how-to guide may not be immediately applicable to those who are not yet homeowners, or even apartment owners, there are still important lessons to be gleaned from the nearly 700 page book.
In addition to the impact of Emily Post’s book, her family continues her legacy via the Emily Post Institute. According to the institute, the most popular articles among audiences include “The Formal Place Setting,” “Top Ten Table Manners,” “Sympathy Notes and Letters,” and others.
Post’s progeny have taken up the manner banner to help address relevant modern questions of etiquette in a podcast titled “Awesome Etiquette” as part of the Emily Post Institute. The podcast offers a tremendous resource for those who cannot read quickly or prefer to learn aurally.
Those who garden understand there is a proper method to growing things and an ideal season for maximizing crop yield. Doctors understand that there is an objective way for treating a patient with a laceration. Similarly, there are right and wrong ways to encounter a boss, a romantic interest, or a stranger on the street.
If you find yourself at a loss for words or needing ideas about how to go about the right etiquette, look around and find a pleasant Post publication.
