As many bachelors and bachelorettes know, finding genuine love in today’s world can feel like an uphill battle. Both men and women often end up feeling used — women feeling as though men seek only sexual pleasure, and men feeling as though women use them for emotional support and attention.
Unfortunately, both are often right.
Dating has shifted from a search for a spouse and family to a pursuit of personal desires. This transactional approach to relationships and sexuality has led to a rise in pornography, contraception, abortion, “hookup” culture, and divorce.
However, there is still hope. The flaws we see in modern relationships have existed since humanity’s fall from grace, but God has provided the remedy.
“God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him” (Genesis 1:27). This line in Genesis gives man meaning: Man was made on purpose, for a purpose. All of creation is centered around man because only man is created in the image and likeness of God. But what does it mean to be created in the image of God?
In the words of Genesis, God begins to reveal who He is — a creator and gift giver. Since man is created in the image of God, this means he is also meant to be a creator and a loving gift-giver. But for there to be a gift-giver, there must be a receiver of the gift.
“It is not good that man should be alone, I will make a suitable helper for him” (Genesis 2:18). Why, we might ask, would God deem it “not good” for man to be alone? If man was created by God and for God, why would he need anything else? It’s the very fact that man is made in the image and likeness of God that it is not good that he should be alone. To love, there must be someone to receive love; to give, there must be someone to receive the gift. Consequently, man cannot fully realize his essence as a being made in the image of God without living for another. While man is accompanied by other creatures of the earth, there isn’t a being that offers him the possibility to exist in a relationship of reciprocal gift. Lower life forms cannot supply the love, help, and companionship man needs to be whole. As Gaudium et Spes, which came from the Second Vatican council, reminds us, man can only “fully find himself through a sincere gift of self.” So God supplied Adam with a suitable partner.
“And the man and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). When Adam saw Eve, he immediately recognized that she completed him. He saw in her a counterpart, someone with whom he could fully share himself. She was bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, and in their union, the two became one flesh. In their sexual embrace, they offered their entire selves to one another and, in doing so, had the potential to create new life.
At that moment they were naked and unashamed because they were untouched by sin, and their sexual drive was under complete control. They can perfectly and completely love one another. When Adam saw Eve, he knew the affection and gratification she could provide him, but that wasn’t what he sought in her. He sought her as his end, not the things she could provide him. Adam perfectly loved Eve and desired to serve her and unite with her. Sadly, this state of perfect love was short-lived.
“Then their eyes were opened, and they knew that they were naked” (Genesis 3:7). When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and chose to define good and evil for themselves, the effects of original sin darkened their intellects, weakened their wills, and attracted them to sin. One can imagine what they felt the moment they looked into each other’s eyes after the fall. Where they once saw perfect love, they now saw lust and the desire to manipulate. They not only saw this self-serving desire in the eyes of their partner, but they felt it in their own hearts. It was at this moment that they knew they were naked and desired to cover themselves because they no longer felt they could be vulnerable. They were broken and ashamed.
But God, in His perfect love and justice, did not abandon them but allowed them to experience the consequences of their actions. Eve would face increased labor pains, and Adam would toil in his work. This so-called curse of Adam is no curse at all but a remedy. These “punishments” are not arbitrary but are, in fact, antidotes. They are not simply penalties but invitations to self-sacrifice. Through these struggles, Adam and Eve were drawn out of themselves and pushed to live for others. Eve sacrificed her body to bring new life into the world, and Adam sacrificed his labor to provide for his family. These trials were and presently are meant to help man re-learn how to love. Along with this remedy, God promised a Savior who would take away the eternal consequence of sin and provide an example of the most perfect form of love.
“This is my Body, given up for you” (Luke 22:19). With these words and His sacrifice on the cross, Jesus performed the greatest act of love mankind has ever known, and we are called to reflect this act of love in our lives. In essence, these are the same words that husbands and wives say to one another each time they come together in sexual embrace. In that moment, the couple completely gives themself to one another. True love requires a complete gift of self, something far removed from the transactional relationships that dominate modern culture.
Today, this idea of self-sacrificial love feels foreign. Instead of “This is my body, given up for you,” the world echoes, “This is my body; I will do with it as I please.” This narcissistic/selfish thinking is the result of humanity’s broken nature inherited from the fall. The solution is to embrace the remedy God has provided mankind. To overcome the inclination to use and treat love as a utilitarian transaction, man must embrace the necessity to love self-sacrificially. A person can only fully come to know himself as a being made in the image of God when he can say, “This is my body, given up for you.”
